dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
