the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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