New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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