I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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