You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
