New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
