I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
