he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
