I wish I could teleport
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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