i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
