this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
