oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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