remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
