next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
