Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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