We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
