All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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