Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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