last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
