FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
