yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
