are you still at the devil's house?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
