I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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