dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
