So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
birth control should be required to get into college
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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