If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
