How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
