i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
