wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
