i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
