Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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