I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
