hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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