Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
...so i touched it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
