come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize