I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
