yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
