I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
