my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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