this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
