You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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