ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
