Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
