It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
