Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
