the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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