I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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