i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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