she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
