there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
